May 15th, 2016

#MaybeHeDoesntHitYou ? how about #MaybeTHEYDontHitYou

     Let's talk about #MaybeHeDoesntHitYou . For those unaware, it's a top-trending hashtag about non-physical domestic abuse. Verbal, psychological, etc. An important topic, no question. One which deserves an open dialogue. Here's the problem:

     Why does it have to specify "he" doesn't hit you. I guess "MaybeTHEYdontHitYou wouldn't do the job. Not specific enough about who the villain is.

     It's not bad enough we pretend like *physical* domestic abuse only happens to women. It's not bad enough that men are so much more likely to not report it, because unlike women who are met with support and sympathy, men are mocked and called sissies because "a woman beat you up." It's bad enough that everyone talks about men's capacity for violence against their mates, and how often men abuse women, without ever mentioning the fact that WOMEN who are in romantic relationships with other women are actually MORE likely to be physically abusive than men. It's not bad enough that any attempts to talk about these things are more often than not thrown out and derided as "attempting to derail the narrative" away from women (because regardless of truth, women are *always* the victims and never the perpetrators). It's not bad enough that when a woman *does* turn violent, men pretty much just have to take it, because God knows if they defend themselves and she gets hurt, *he's* the monster.

     No, let's forget about alllll that (wouldn't want facts and logic getting in the way of something as important as modern feminist narratives) and continue the narrative with into the notion that women aren't *emotionally* abusive. Seriously, as broken as the idea that it's not as bad when women get physical because they typically don't hit as hard (which is funny, because in any other context saying "you hit like a girl" is a sign of misogyny, but when it's used to justify domestic violence it's just fine), as much as that rational would be quickly rejected if a man smacked a woman with as much force as the average woman could muster to smack a man; at *least* they're putting up SOMETHING. In what world world are women in any way less capable or even less likely than men of verbal and psychological cruelty and abuse?

     But no, let's make sure that even when we're talking about emotional abuse, let's put all of the focus on male on female abuse; because really, that's all that matters, right?



Hello Twitter

Hello Twitter friends (you're not still following me, are you? I gave up Twitter years ago). If you're wondering why I'm Tweeting again; rest assured, it won't be a regular thing. Basically, I discussed this issue at length several times over social media. The comment I most received was "oh, well why don't you just make your own hashtag? Why don't you just make your own comments instead of getting mad at what's already been shared."

Well, first of all, why do men NEED to start their own hashtag? Why, when having a dialogue about something so horrible, that is encountered by both sexes equally (and yes, when you're talking about non-physical abuse, it absolutely is), do we need to assign the role of "villain" to one, and "victim" to another; and why is that every high-profile article on this except for one has made it a point to focus *entirely* on male-on-female emotional abuse?

Why can't we focus on the act itself, and how wrong it is, and how it affect *people*? Why does this need to be turned into yet another sex/gender issue? Feminists like to assure me that "feminism is about equality for *everyone,* yet when discussing issues that *affect* everyone, the only victims the movement wants to talk about is women, and the only perpetrators are men?

Second, there actually is a #MaybeSheDoesntHitYou hashtag. But the fact that people keep asking me this just illustrates the problem: nobody's talking about it. #MabyeHEdoesntHitYou is trending on Facebook, it's getting showered with support, it's on the cover of major news outlet sites, and what of #MaybeSHEdoesntHitYou?

It's treated exactly like male abuse victims are: at BEST ignored, at worst silenced, mocked, and labeled as "shit disturbing" for "stealing focus from the 'real' victims" because God forbid we talk about the reality of domestic abuse instead of just parroting the traditional narrative.

This is why men are so many more times more likely to not report their abuse.

So fine. Gauntlet throne, I'll make my own hastag posts.